I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize