these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just forgot I was standing up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
