Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
