Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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