it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need a beard to bite.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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