I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's great music for shaving your balls
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
