Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
