so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
