Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
