I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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