i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
