there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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