I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
