you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize