i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
