Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
