I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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