My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
