Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
