hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
