You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
