yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
