I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
