have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
