There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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