Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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