when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
