I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
