Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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