god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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