I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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