connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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