is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
