So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
