You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
