I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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