I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
