Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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