Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
