You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
