I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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