He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?