Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover