You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
