Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.