he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??