you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
