bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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