Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
