I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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