hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
