if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
