dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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