Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
