I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
