Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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