My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
