someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
