Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
