He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just high enough for therapy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
