I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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