I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
