Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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