the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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