i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
