I just cut my nipple shaving
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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