I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is my gift to your gina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
