I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
