omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
