I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
