then he tried to convert me to islam
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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