can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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