i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
