Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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