drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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